Morning Musings
by MinttBerrryCrunchhh
Summary: The Joker finds himself in a promising predicament with a certain Clown Princess of Crime, Harley Quinn. Oneshot


She wasn't there when he woke up.

The Joker opened his eyes and groggily stretched. It was extremely hot and he was a bit sweaty. He'd have to tell Neal and the boys to keep that off if they were to ever stay at the hideout after a heist. Wait-This wasn't his place.

_Where the fuck?_ The Joker wondered in his thoughts. He found out that the source of the heat was a comforter lying across his body-his _naked_ body. Okay, last night didn't get that crazy, it was a completely normal night! _Oh Shit, _He had remembered. _Oh fuck me sideways. Wait, she already did that. _He sighed as he recalled the events.

After the heist, he had seen The Woman at the Iceberg Lounge. He had been seated around a lovely game of poker when _She_ arrived. He had heard about her. Blonde hair, blue eyes blackened with face paint around them. Her face was covered in white and her lips were perfectly painted ruby red. The black around her eyes had been shaped into diamonds.

She called herself Harley Quinn and was said to be extremely psychotic, extremely dangerous, and heavily armed. Well that's at least what the news had said a month ago when she had popped onto the criminal radar.

She didn't look frightening at the moment. She had arrived and seated herself across from him at the table and asked for a hand. She played well, sometimes folding, sometimes winning. She never took the winnings though. She just continued to smirk deviously-no one ever knew when she had a winning or losing hand. _Hmmm,_ He had mused, _she has a great poker face._

The Joker chuckled at his joke, remembering the night. Then he had winked at her and proceeded to make passes at The Woman. He deserved to have a bit of fun, especially with a fellow clown. He hadn't expected her to play along though. After a few more rounds of the card game, and a few more drinks, he found his feet to be betraying him. He had followed her out to her car for some odd reason that he couldn't explain. He regretted that decision now. He had _definitely _been thinking with his dick. She had asked him to come home with her, just for a little bit. She had told him that she had questions for him. Yeah well, questions his ass.

He had been stupid enough to agree and had joined her in the car. The minute they had walked through the door she pounced on him and hey, who was he to resist? _I __**should**__ have fucking resisted! _He thought, _I was seduced by some woman and had rough, half-drunken sex, what is this world coming to? _He giggled at his dramatization. She was gorgeous and he had needed some sort of release after his last escapades on Gotham City. Right? Did the big, bad Joker need an excuse to fuck some woman? _Yes,_ He thought. She wasn't any woman though. Had he revealed anything? Had she? All he remembered was getting there, the feeling of euphoria, and now.

"Son of a bitch," He spoke out loud as he rubbed at his eyes.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," A soft voice mused. "And how was your slumber?" The voice was amused. He didn't have to open his eyes to picture a smirk plastered on her lovely face.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Miss fuck-and-leave," He glared at her. This was all _her_ fault. He wouldn't have been in this mess if she had just kept things to herself. Instead the evil one had winked and played fucking _footsies_ with him. Well, it had worked, especially when she had rubbed the sole of her tiny foot between his legs. That had been the ticket.

He looked at her now. She stood in the doorway in nothing but a baggy t-shirt and powder blue panties. Her face paint was off. _She must've washed it earlier when she woke up, or was that last night? _He couldn't remember. The soft curls of her blonde hair hung around her shoulders. A devious smirk was on her lips. _Those lovely lips, _He smirked. Now, he remembered that part. Funny, he remembered having sex, but how did they get there? He ran through ideas in his head. _Pegasus? No. Unicorn? No, those don't fly. Magic carpet? No, No, No. Car? Yes, _He thought.

He was extremely attracted to her. He'd fuck her again. And again. That scared him. He should have no attachments to anyone or anything. _I am royally fucked,_ He sighed. But was this so bad? Definitely yes.

"Oh Honey, come up with something better than that," She mused.

"Okay, how about Miss I seduce dangerous crazy men and then get them drunk and then fuck them?" He shot back.

"Oh shut up. You're being dramatic. And you were not drunk. Admit it; you enjoyed it. You just don't want to admit that I got one over you. After this conversation you can diddle-dawdle back to your useless mundane life and continue to have your homosexual relationship with that bat. I just wanted to see how you'd do, and you didn't disappoint ma chérie." She was smirking again. Her and her smirking. Evil witch. She thought that this was _amusing_?

"Hey! I am not a homosexual, and I'm not in a relationship with the Batman. I slept with you woman, I think you would know if I liked men." He continued to glare at her as she laughed.

"Denial," Harley sang.

He flipped her off and she laughed harder. "You find this funny?" He asked.

She chuckled while she said, "No, not at all."

He stood up from the bed and stretched. "Where'd you put my clothes?"

"I have no idea, but _please_ don't find them. You look ravishing," She said. She giggled as she looked at him. His hair was mussed and he was standing gloriously naked before her.

"Thanks for the compliment, _dear_," He stepped over to her and put his hand against the doorway, leaning on it. "Whaddaya say we tumble again?" He waggled his eyebrows and smirked.

She laughed and crossed her arms. "Tumble? Wow, aren't you poetic."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and said, "As tempting as you are love, I have other important things to do. And _you_ need to leave."

He frowned and rubbed her forearms. "Oh c'mon, morning sex is the best kind."

She scoffed at him. "You woke up mortified because I one-upped you and now you want to ravish me beyond my wildest dreams? Well Casanova, You're going to have to wait."

"Why? What could you possibly be doing today other than me?" He asked.

"Oh clever pun, dearie, but I have to pick up a few things-" She was stopped as he pressed his lips against hers.

She sighed as he broke away. "-to pick up today." She finished in a whisper.

"Pretty _please?"_ He asked. "You know, I never usually ask for anything…." He smirked at her. "I usually just take what I want-when I want it."

She smiled up at him lazily as he continued, "And right now I want you," He pointed to her and then to the bed saying, "Over there."

"Really?" Harley drawled. "Well then, _take_ me over _there." _

He smiled deviously at her and did what she asked.

It was going to be a _long_ afternoon.


End file.
